What happens when you mix The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills "Palm Springs Breakers" with a drunk Brandi Glanville? One hot mess in Palm Springs. We recap the lesbian soft-porn and racist moments in our THG +/- review.
Was this the kind of girls' weekend Joyce was hoping for in Palm Springs?
Somehow I don't think Brandi and Carlton sucking face was on her list of things to do. But if that was all the happened it would have been a mildly entertaining trip. Unfortunately the antics didn't end there.
But let's start with the trip prep.
Brandi spends her time quizzing her friends about their sex lives for her newest book. Okay…apparently this is a normal thing in her world and she and her girlfriends have all made out.
Is that a plus or a minus? I guess it depends on your point of view.
Oh, and Brandi likes to be choked during sex. I'm betting there are plenty of people who would like to choke Brandi, with or without the sex. Minus 18.
Kim says there is something very spiritual about Palm Springs. Plus 10. So of course that means a pre-Palm Springs shopping trip because what's more spiritual than a new handbag?
But Kim is optimistic. "Hopefully maybe this will be one of those trips where everyone gets along."
Minus 22. Is she joking? Have they ever had a trip like that?
The car rides to Palm Springs were hilarious. Carlton and Lisa Vanderpump shared a vehicle and Carlton asked what Lisa knew about Joyce…
"I know she's got a small coochie and her husband's got a big winkie but apart from that that's the only thing she's ever told me." Plus 35. This is why I love Lisa. Blunt, British, and funny all at once.
Brandi and Yolanda get giddy in the back of their car but honestly, if I had to spend time in the limo with Kyle, Kim, and Joyce I probably would have jumped out the window.
Once again we had the great room debate. Minus 15. Do we have to go through this on every trip they take and is there some reason why they can never all have their own rooms?
By the time they got to the pool I had to agree with Kim. Watching Joyce and Brandi with their perfect bodies and string bikinis would make any normal woman think twice before removing her wrap.
Carlton's tattoos were interesting but I was a little disappointed that none of the other housewives knew anything about the Wiccan faith. Minus 30. I think they need to get out more. Maybe do a little reading from time to time.
And in case you missed it, Carlton doesn't like Kyle Richards. She was about as subtle as a sledgehammer about it.
But if Kyle said "tits on an ant" one more time I was going to change the channel. Minus 23. I've never heard that saying in any culture. I'm actually wondering if Kyle made it up.
I'm now convinced that Kyle must be selling that silly necklace in her boutique. I can't imagine she enjoys wearing it. It's huge and looks like it belongs on a giant chandelier. Minus 11.
On the upside, Carlton's British flag inspired heels were awesome. Plus 17. If I thought I could wear heels that ridiculously high without breaking my neck I might give those a shot.
But the pool party goes south pretty quickly. First Joyce doesn't want to take a swim
So? Brandi, Carton, and Yolanda decide since it's her party it's some sort of slight for her to remain poolside. Minus 12. Really ladies. Let it go.
Then Brandi won't get Joyce's name right. The joke was kind of funny for a minute but it went from ridiculous to disrespectful quickly.
Minus 20. We get it Brandi. You don' like Joyce. Maybe you shouldn't have accepted her invitation to Palm Springs.
How can things get worse? Well, give Brandi enough alcohol and you'll find out.
Kyle saw her slipping towards the dark side. If only she weren't so preoccupied arguing with Yolanda maybe she could have stopped it.
Of course Brandi really didn't have the alcohol to blame when she quipped that the reason Joyce wouldn't get in the pool was because she's black.
I'm sure Brandi wasn't kidding when she said she jokes like that with all of her black friends…that doesn't mean it wasn't offensive. Minus 40.
Before dinner even ended the lines were drawn. Team Lisa, Yolanda, and Brandi on one side. Team Kyle, Kim, and Joyce on the other.
Which side are you on?
Episode total = -129! Season total = +126!